With only one week until the release of Purge Election Year, the third installment in the Purge movie series. I wanted to take an almost sarcastic look at how you could survive the Purge.
If you are unfamiliar with The Purge series of movies the plot is simple. Once a year, for a span of 12 consecutive hours, all crime is legal including murder. The Purge is a “holiday” put into effect by the government to ease crime and control the populace. During this time anyone who is upset with you, anyone you have wronged, or simply anyone who just wants to murder you and your family for the fun of it has the ability to, without fear of persecution by law.
I could say buy a plate carrier for every member of you family, lock the doors and sit with you backs to the wall and rifles pointed at every entry way. But where would the fun in that be?
It would be far more interesting to take a look at this scenario from the view-point of someone who took no precaution before hand, has no training, and is in well over their head.
If you have seen the first two movies I am going to be spinning my own version of a plot point found in the second movie, Purge Anarchy. A young couple, Traveling through an urban area hours before the commencement of the annual purge fall victim to the most Cliché circumstance found in horror movies… Car trouble.
The sun has begun to set, you are in a highly populated unfamiliar area, your car is dead and there is no hope of reviving it in time. Soon the sirens will sound, the purging will begin, and you will be on your own. You are un-armed and un-trained There will be no Law enforcement, no medical, no backup… Just you and your fiancé.
What do you do???
Ditch the car, and travel light. It will be dark soon you need to find somewhere to hide till morning. This isn’t long-term survival no need for food rations, your only focus should be staying low-key and moving quickly to somewhere you can secure.
Those wishing to Purge will be coming into the city soon, looking for easy victims as yourself. It’s best to not be an easy target but it’s good to not look like one either. Dirty you and your significant other up a bit, there’s bound to be some dirt and grease somewhere. Loose the engagement ring and the fancy sun glasses. You want to look like you belong out here, you want to look like you have already been in a fight and won.
Arm yourself, do it quickly! The sirens have already sounded and you can hear what sounds like gun fire in the distance. Pop your trunk, there’s likely some improvised blunt force weapon present. Be it a golf club, baseball bat, or lug wrench. The road flares, grab those they may come in handy later. No use in trying to conceal the weapon, everyone out here will have one.
Get moving! Surviving this will require you to get as far away from people as possible, being broke down in an urban area is quite possibly the worst case scenario.
Where would be the least influx of people on a night like this??? Think, think you idiot! That’s it! The news said all the banks will be moving their money in its entirety days before the purge to give less incentive for purgers to try to get rich over the next 12 hours. Even leaving the doors and bank vaults open and unlocked until morning when the managers are forced to come in and check for any damage to the vault. It was all over TV, radio and social media, the financial district will be like a ghost town.
Unfortunately the financial district starts is at the corner of Liberia and 56th and your car stopped just past 24th street… 32 blocks. Any other time it would be 35 minute walk, tonight it’s a mile and a half though hell.
The sun is gone, the street lights are lit, and every noise you hear startles you. Continue to check your corners, looking for anything that may be a threat. Keep your head down, keep your eyes up and keep MOVING! Don’t stop for anyone, trust no one, no one is out here to help you.
29th street, okay 5 blocks down no real threat. Stay off the main roads if possible, the shortest route may not be the safest. At the very least stay out of the light.
Making your way through the shadows
you have managed to make it all the way to 38th street without any confrontation. It’s been easily 90 minutes since the sirens sounded, marking the beginning…Then it happens. You can see the light in the distance, the smell of burning hair and gasoline have filled the air.
You have a choice to make, you can double back. Work your way around what or who ever started the fire up ahead. This would add to the time of being exposed in the open but lessen the chance of an encounter. That is unless someone has been following you… Or you can decide to move up closer and work your way around the blaze.
Your fiancé is terrified, you convince her to keep moving forward, toward the fire. As you continue closer you mind struggles to comprehend what you see before you.
A pile of bodies engulfed in flames as a group of psychopaths dance around it fuel cans still in hand. No trace of humanity in them as they joyfully dance around the bodies of their scorched victims… You heart sinks as you finally realize this is the type of enemy you face tonight.
It’s to late to turn back now, the odds of them witnessing your exit are far to great to risk. There’s a building to the right, you decide to use this as your route around the Pyro’s out front. The side entrance to the building is propped open. You enter quietly doing everything you can not to make your presence known. Moving slow and methodical through the building.
Your focus changes as your hear footsteps and the banter of two men bragging about whose kill was better. Stay in the shadows and stay quiet. They haven’t noticed you yet, one armed with a claw hammer the other with a rifle slung over his shoulder.
It’s time to act, be fast and be violent. They may pass by you and not notice but this is no time to gamble with the possibility of maybe. You have the element of surprise use it while you can! Attack the man with the gun first you do not want gun fire to interrupt those dancing around the flames outside.
As soon as they are close enough a strong knock to the head with your weapon should be enough to make this a one on one fight. Your hit connects and the rifleman hits the ground. His companion springs into action and tackles you to the floor. In the scuffle you lose grip of your weapon, luckily he’s also lost his claw hammer. Your struggling to cover your face trying to add time between the connections of his fist to your skull.
Is this the end? Is this how I am going to go out? Being beaten to death by some raging lunatic? These questions begin to flood your mind, then you hear it. The sound that shatters the environment around you. The sound of a high-powered rifle. Your assailant is not longer fighting. His blood all over you and his brain splattered on the wall next to you. Your fiancé is standing overtop of both of you with the rifleman’s gun in her hands shaking uncontrollably.
There’s no time, get up! Get moving! There’s no doubt that the Pyro’s outside heard the gun shot and are surly checking to see if there is someone else around to burn. You grab the rifle and sling it over your shoulder and begin to make your way out of the building and up town. No need to be quiet they know you are here.
Out of the building and back onto the streets, moving quickly now. You take a glance toward the flames behind you. It’s still burning strong but the dancers are nowhere to be found. Maybe they left? Maybe they moved on? Maybe those two you took out back in the building were part of their group and after they find their bodies they will be looking for you.
The street signs are passing faster now, 41st, 42nd, 43rd… At an all out run, no longer staying in the shadows. Your focus is running, getting to 56th street, 44th, 45th, you notice more and more garbage filling the streets, it never crossed your mind to watch your step. 46th street… That unassuming pile of newspaper you just stepped on was concealing a makeshift bear trap.
You’re trapped, the pain is excruciating. Your lower leg just above your ankle is bleeding and with every move the teeth of the trap seem to dig themselves deeper and deeper into your leg. Stay calm… Breath… Your partner helps force the trap open and you manage to free your foot. It’s bleeding and badly bruised. To make matters worse you hear footsteps and laughter coming behind you. No time to treat your wounds, you need to get to cover NOW! You and your fiancé stumble your way into the nearest building and lock yourselves in the first room you find.
For the first time in a while you feel like you can breathe. You use a lighter to provide a bit of light to examine your leg. The cuts are deep but the blood flow is slowing. Use your shirt to wrap your wound. Take the sling off of the rifle tie it around the shirt as tight as you can. Check the rifle. It’s a bolt-action so ammo will be slim to none, you unlock the bolt and pull it to the rear ejecting an empty casing onto the floor exposing the last round in the magazine. You slide the bolt forward into the locked position… You have one round use it wisely.
The sound of muffled voices cut through the silence. We almost had them, setting up those bear traps was a fantastic idea. You hear one say to the other. We will find them and burn them for what they did to Larry and Omar…
It’s them, the Pyro’s they’re In the building.
The voices trail off into the distance and you make your way out of the room, putting weight on your leg is becoming unbearable. You make your way onto the street and continue up to 56th. You know you’re no longer able to run, you need to make a plan…
The street signs are passing slower now. You make it to 51st only 5 blocks left and you can no longer keep the slow pace that you have been moving at. It’s time to take a stand. You cannot risk them catching you in the open. no more hiding, no more running. You share your plan with the love of your life, begging her to trust you. You instruct her on where to wait and what she needs to do. You kiss her for what may be the last time and then part ways.
You set up a barricade in the middle of the street between a broken down van and a dumpster. Your nerves are a wreck. Your mouth is dry and the exhaustion of the night is creeping up on you. You have lost all track of time. Then you hear them. Joking and laughing as all 5 of them stroll up the street in search of you. You can only pray that the canisters they are carrying are still somewhat full of fuel.
They’re roughly 20 yards from you when you announce as loud and strong as you can. THAT’S FAR ENOUGH! DON’T COME ANY CLOSER! The street falls silent. One of spouts off what if we don’t? they begin to step forward… Now is the moment of truth, you pick the rifle up and point it in their direction. Doing your best to steady yourself as you line up the sights with your target.
You press the trigger. The recoil of the rifle takes you off your balance a bit. But your shot hits it’s target. Striking the 5 gallon can of fuel held by the psychopath in the middle of the group. The can disintegrates dousing all five in fuel.
They erupt in laughter. You Idiot! This isn’t the movies, cans of gas don’t explode by shooting them!
NOW! You scream at the top of your lungs, your fiancé exposed herself on the 2nd story balcony right above the Pyro’s. She lights the road flare and tosses it onto them. Simultaneously they go up in flames igniting the other cans of fuel held by the group.
Those who took such joy in scorching others found a fitting end this Purge night.
She makes it back down to you and you both walk arm in arm the last 5 blocks taking your time, staying in the shadows and take shelter in the first bank you find. Just as the news said the financial district was empty, no one in sight. Banks doors unlocked and vaults open.
The sun has cut through the night sky and the feeling of peace begins to overwhelm you. You barricade the doors to the bank. Pushing furniture against every entrance. It’s over, it’s finally over you think to yourself as you wrap your arms around your love.
You both make your way to the vault, you take a breath as you begin pull the insanely heavy door closed from the inside. Just then, likely the most beautiful sound you could ever hear. The sirens begin to wail marking the end of this years Purge.
You did it. You survived The Purge.
I hope you enjoyed reading this satirical look at surviving The Purge.
Remember all the good The Purge does.